Top 5 People Who Actually Care About How You Got Haxed Out Last Round (Number 3 will make you cry!)

Every VGC player has been there, whether its rock slide flinches, muddy water accuracy drops or draco misses, everyone has been on the wrong side of a haxy loss. When this happens, it’s natural to seek out comfort from our caring companions, hoping they will share in the misery of how our opponent won the speed tie and didn’t miss any of his rock slides. But, every tournament, dozens of VGC player’s lamentations fall on deaf ears as so called “friends” don’t even care about how your opponent actually had the nerve to run discharge koko with no electric resists and get double full para. Instead, they will just stand there blankly, awkwardly pretending to listen, waiting for your sad story to come to an end. But with the help of this guide, that will never happen to you again! Here are the top 5 people to go to who are guaranteed to offer comfort and validation in your time of need


5: Your mom



She may not know what a win condition is, and she has never felt the horrors of getting double frozen by blizzard, but rest assured your mom is a sure bet to care about your hax story. The way your cheeks bunch up and the pitch of your voices raises when you describe how your opponent got 3 consecutive critical hits with scope lens kartana just reminds her that you’re still the same little boy or girl who cried when you found out you couldn’t be a fire truck when you grow up. She will offer plenty of compliments, and assure you that you are a skilled player and also handsome despite any evidence to the contrary.

If you are unfortunate enough to not be able to call your mom after a match, then have no fear! You can just call my mom and tell her you’re my friend, she will surely listen. That woman is a saint and is loving towards anyone and plus she’ll be so excited that I actually have a friend she will certainly hear you out on all your tribulations (especially if you sound like a girl on the phone).

4: That guy who also got haxed out last round (and every other round of every other tournament ever)




You can spot him from a mile away, just look for the guy talking loudly to a small group of people who are making extreme efforts to not make any eye contact with the person, silently pleading for anyone to come up and talk to them and free them from this unlucky person’s tale of woe. He will listen to your stories and sorrows, but be sure to keep it brief, because after 15 seconds he will quickly interject about how he only lost because his opponent thawed out turn 1 from an ice beam freeze. I recommend the hit and run strategy here, quickly vent out your hax related sadness and then pretend you have to use the restroom or something.


3: Mr Fred Rogers



Perhaps the most encouraging person of all time, Mr Fred Rogers truly cares about how you got haxed out last round. Like your mom, he may not have the in-depth knowledge of pokemon, but that won’t stop him from offering you genuine encouragement that makes your life seem worth living again. He will ensure you that it is not your fault, that sometimes life isn’t fair but if we can’t brush off the times when life isn’t fair then we won’t be able to truly appreciate the magical moments of life when everything works out! And he will say it in such a way that you will actually believe it!


If you don’t know who Mr Rogers is, then you are probably a cancerous senior, but that’s not your fault! You can still change and become a productive member of VGC society, your past behavior doesn’t have to define your future accomplishments. Every day is a new and today you have the opportunity to be something special! At least that’s what Mr Rogers would say, I however would just tell you that you are garbage and ask you to please stop talking to me.


2: The guy who beat you earlier (and is relying on you for resistance)



Definitely the most passionate encourager of the bunch, the guy who beat you earlier will stop at nothing to encourage you and ensure you play at your best until the second this tournament is over. He will offer you weapons-grade encouragement, ensuring that you can still make top cut, top 16, top 32 or whatever position he thinks will make you keep winning. Even if you’re 0-3, he will still encourage you to play out the rest of your matches because you can still cut! Maybe the laws of mathematics change and 3 losses will become less than 0 losses before the tournament is over! Be especially weary of these people though, because their intentions are not pure! If the tournament ends and you don’t provide them with a satisfactory resistance, they will quickly reverse that passion and tell you that you are a garbage player who should quit VGC, much like that “Nice guy” who quickly will call a girl a slut as soon as she rejects his advances.

1: Your Girlfriend



Haha just kidding! You just spent the greater part of the last half hour telling everyone how you never get lucky! You are definitely single!