NPA News: NPA 8 To Be Decided Entirely By Popular Vote

Petalburg, Indiana - Following extensive controversies in NPA 7, the NPA commissioner has announced a small format shift for NPA 8. At a press conference he stated "NPA 7 was full of contested games that often were decided by rushed, unexpected votes after the game. To remedy this, all games in NPA 8 will be decided by a scheduled popular vote amongst the managers every week." This change is sure to send shock waves throughout the entire NPA process. In the past, managers would spend the bulk of their money on players who could either win them a lot of games, get them a lot of likes on youtube, or just had a cool Japanese name to intimidate opponents. With the new popular vote structure, expect law school students who can present compelling popular vote arguments and players capable of paying managers large bribes to supplant these old staples as the top money earners.

In spite of this large change, the NPA commissioner will continue to play on an NPA team, stating that he is impartial, and sees no possible conflict of interest.

EXCLUSIVE STORY: The true rundown of the Sao Paulo Challenge (That they don't want you to know about)

Sydney, Austrailia - Wow! The Sao Paulo Challenge had quite the ending! but what REALLY happened?

Long story short, some people ghosted and got caught. The real crime here however, wasn't that they ghosted, but that they were really fucking bad at it. One source close to the situation remarked "Being this fucking terrible at ghosting is simply unacceptable. Any time someone is caught ghosting this poorly it reflects poorly on the community, and they should be embarrassed and punished to the fullest extent." He closed by saying "We at the Sao Paolo Challenge are committed to rooting out all cheating that is this poorly executed. If you're gonna cheat do it properly Goddammit!"

The affected players, however, are not going down without a fight. One player remarked "They don't have any irrefutable proof that I cheated! And even if they did, what I did is not explicitly illegal! And even if it was, the way they found out about it was illegal!". These players have filed a lawsuit for $15 in damages, $500 in emotional distress and $300 in stolen twitter likes. We have however just received news from the courts that the plaintiffs misspelled their lawyers name on their Lawsuit sheet, and thus will be given a trial loss and will not be able to use their lawyer for any future appeals.

Overall, most people agree with the punishments given, but some players dissent. One local VGC player, whose friends are all terrible at VGC, doesn't believe that ghosting was a big deal. He took to twitter to voice his displeasure with the current ruling. "I honestly don't see the problem with ghosting!" said the player, whose friends routinely recommend using Decideueye and Greninja. "I always find that I don't really do any better when my friends help me than when I play alone" continued, noting that his friends always encourage him to "go for the hard read! Don't be a chicken".

One thing is for sure, in the aftermath of this tournament, TPCI is scrambling frantically to think of what ways they can totally fucking screw up their next regional so they can definitively demonstrate just how much more screwed up official tournaments can be than grassroots ones.